Being in one school, he managed to fetch me from time to time and look after me as often as possible. At a young age, I saw how different our worlds were. He had the best of everything while I had the worst in anything. Seeing him as my inspiration, I studied harder than hard, until I reached the top of the class.

During our Elementary years, I can still vividly remember how often we were compared by the teachers in our school. Though we weren’t classmates nor competitors, the inspiration I have every time I see him soon became a challenge – a quest to improve myself and become a better me. Yes, during those years I wanted to prove to everyone that “Bernard” is very much different from “Bernadette”. But this pursuit cost me pain and tears. For about six or so years, I laboured very hard to reach my dreams – the dream of graduating Valedictorian in my Elementary class, just like what my brother had done. Perhaps, I wasn’t able to fully enjoy my childhood years as I was so focused in improving myself. I didn’t have time to play as much as other children were able to. I soon lost the lovable brother I’ve had before, for I began to view him as my “rival” not my “associate”.

I recall the sleepless nights spent in studying, how I’ve sacrificed lunch breaks in finishing school work and how I’ve managed to continue doing school stuff whereas my classmates and friends were all relaxed playing. With all these, my drive helped me to soar up high and believe that I’m not just smart, but very, very clever.

When I was in the sixth grade, I represented my school (another school then) in the 25th National Super Quiz Bee, where I placed third. On that day, something woke me up - the realization that I am not as intelligent as I thought I was. There are a lot of students who are smarter than I. I was able to realize my dream as I graduated from Elementary school as valedictorian. Learning from my experience, this did not make me more proud of myself, rather it gave me another challenge – that of eating myself, not my brother or anyone else. Then the big move to Notre Dame came.

As they say, high school is the most exciting leg of one’s education, but on my first few days at my new school, all these expectations suddenly blasted out. Almost everything in my life seemed to be new that I felt as an alien migrating to another planet. Adaptation was indeed very difficult if not impossible. The load of academic work appeared as if it has no ending. The teachers expected a lot. The new set of friends I then faced were very much different from before. My classmates were really intelligent and were competitive. Truly, every single thing I encountered was like pulling me down, because I wasn’t used to any of them. I wasn’t used to waking up very early in the morning, going to school to study for like 10 or so hours, and getting back home to study some more. I deemed this necessary to cope with my new atmosphere. This became my routine for the first few months of my stay and eventually, everything seemed to turn out the way I wanted them to be. My hard works bore fruit of a hundred fold. My classmates who first looked at me with indifference gradually regarded me with respect and admiration. My teachers commended every single work I accomplished. I even landed the first honors not just of my year level, but of the whole high school sector as well. All these achievements brought me pride and self-esteem. “This is the start of a new Bernadette”, I then told myself. I wanted to transform myself into someone who can face anything life will offer me with. I yearned to become someone who can converse well, can think analytically, and can reason out critically. I desired to become better than who I was before.

With continuous effort, I emerged as the number one student of our batch until junior year, the time when I experienced the two colors of struggling – that is achieving either success or failure. As I had adapted in my second home, I learned how to deal with school stuff easier. If all I knew before was just “study, memorize, study and study”, I gradually discerned how to enjoy high school life better with my friends who showed me how to smile despite hardships and taught me how to laugh at my mistakes. In a display of overconfidence, I tarted getting lazy to the point when I began doing my home works and projects in school unlike before when I couldn't even sleep without making sure that every task is done. I even became "careless", putting myself on-the-spot" by taking quizzes Without even reviewing my notes. The second semester came and my negligence hook me off from where I was resting stably. I was so shocked and disappointed when I learned that I was no longer the top of the class. My classmate and "competitor" since first year made it to the top. I was really depressed and frustrated that I didn’t even have the guts to look into the mirror. I cried until no more tears fell and the weight of the world seemed to rest right on my shoulders. My dream which laid firmly in my hands before suddenly popped out like a bubble.  Tomorrow came and I didn’t have a choice but to face another day, pretending to be fine.  My friends acted as if nothing happened but knowing them very well, I’m pretty sure they were feeling the same disappointments but just showed me their strength and company to make me feel I’m not alone. I made everyone believe that I was fine, that everything was fine. I acted as normal as I could. I talked to them the way I spoke as usual, I cracked jokes every opportunity I get and I smiled at them as often as I can, as if nothing wrong is running over and over my mind and heart.

Feeling all alone one day, I began questioning myself what I lacked. Out of the blue, a voice seemed to whisper in my ears. I then realized that not only have I had been irresponsible but without knowing I’m doing it, I forgot thanking and talking to the Lord the way I used to do before. Because of the triumphs I’ve achieved, I began to think that I was so good in everything and that I can do great things others can’t even think about. I failed to remember that every success I had was all from Him. Maybe this is God’s ways of waking me up to the reality – the truth that nothing is permanent in this world and that in order to achieve our vision, we must not only plan but also act, not only dream but also believe. Being in a world where competition is inevitable, every step must be thought over a hundred times and every action must always have an alternative. I’ve realized at that very moment how much was I a disgrace to God. I recognized how much I’ve wasted because of forgetting the One real Being who was the reason of my existence. With all these, I asked the Lord’s guidance to help me stand up again and make up for all of my deficiencies and mistakes. I encouraged myself to view this failure as a challenge to win over and an opportunity to grow. Instead of making myself miserable of the unwanted events in my life and get a little more hopeless, I decided to fight for my dreams. Since I have nothing to lose, I started all over from scratch. I began taking my usual routine and at the same time, met up and bonded with my friends. Believing in my capabilities and hoping in the Lord, I worked harder than I have ever done before. I promised myself to bring back the Bernadette I used to know – the one who does her very best even in simple tasks and minor responsibilities. Slowly but surely, I started offering to God everything I did, knowing that every sincere intention will be answered in some way and every endeavor will be granted success.

The school year ended swiftly and to my surprise, my hard works paid off and I became the first honors of our batch once more. Learning my lessons, I didn’t boast about my success this time, rather I returned to God what He has given me. From that moment on, I realized to lift up to God every challenge and problem that comes along my way. Truly, we must never question the Lord if ever we encounter difficulties in life. We have to give our whole-hearted trust in His immeasurable love and He will provide for us. Problems are common to everyone but attitude makes the difference. If we take every complexity as a problem, then it really becomes one. But if we learn how to perceive them as challenges than hindrances, then we’ll have more opportunities to grow – to grow in maturity and to know ourselves better. As they say, “It is in the darkest of the night that you see the most beautiful stars.”  We must never be discouraged if we don’t get what we want at first. It is in trying that we learn how to strive and improve ourselves. It is in facing our fears that we get to know that there are people around us who are always ready to lend a helping hand. If not without my friends, family and of course, the Lord, I would not have been able to trust myself again and be happy once more.

As of the moment, I’m encountering the same trials I’ve faced before, but now, I see them indifferently. There are moments when I really am in the brink of giving up because of experiencing intricacies in the exceptionally serious and important responsibilities I have in school bonded together with stacks of school works. Even though I always give it my best shot, there are times when I still fail to achieve success. In spite of everything I’ve sacrificed and worked for, I still am not able to harvest what I’ve planted. The thought of giving up and letting things just pass by crossed my mind over and over. But then, just last January, in commemoration of the Catholic Teachers and Employees’ Day celebration, I had the chance to become the counterpart of our High School Principal wherein I experienced talking to many people. We had about two days of bonding time and I really learned a lot from her. She seemed to have so much trust in me that she even narrated stories about herself, the ones only a few people are likely to know about. Being of service to Notre Dame for about 2 decades now, she encountered all sorts of varying problems that she also thought of hating her job and giving up. One day, she realized that “being tired” is very much different from “hating” for in resting, you can gain energy to work for another day but disliking your work will bring you nothing but more problems. She taught me to be strong for life is really tough. She made me realize that if one will labour from his heart, success will surely come his way no matter how impossible it may seem. Hearing these words from somebody who has knowledge of the real cycle of life, I became much stronger and I set forth my goal of winning over every hardship life offers me with.

Even if I don’t have what I have been dreaming of at present, it doesn’t mean I can’t have them in the future. Failures can be pillars of success. It’s just up to us how we see and take them in our lives. If I had given up earlier, I may not have been able to realize all these things which made me really fervent. In a matter of 2 months, we’ll be marching on the aisle for our graduation, another momentous event which will conclude a part and begin a new chapter of our lives. I can’t imagine how I can live without these people who have inspired me and who have given me company in my worst times. However, I have to accept that big fact that we’ll have separate ways in time. But one thing is for sure, they are and they will always be part of my story.

When I was young, I unintentionally overheard my parent’s conversation about my mother’s disease, but I didn’t have any clue of how serious her condition was. By the time I learned about her ischemia, I already told myself that I would become a cardiologist someday. Since I love Science and excel in it as well, I really am dreaming of continuing my studies in this field in the near future by becoming a doctor. I’m planning to take up Industrial Pharmacy in the University of the Philippines, Manila. When my parents came to know that I’m qualified to enrol at this prestigious university, they really showed me how proud and happy they are of me. And this is one of the dreams I have been wishing for since time immemorial. Though I know that taking up medicine will entail more than what I’m expecting it to be, I will still pursue my dreams no matter where life will lead me. By trusting in the Lord and in myself, I will be the best of what I can be!

My life has gone from being on “Fear Factor” as a freshman four years ago into the near future as a “Survivor”. Life is full of new things to try, skills to learn, people to impress and success to be achieved. But when you are able to combine all of these facts of life and excel in them, then you remain life’s ultimate survivor.The future is waiting to be seen, but there are no previews or premiere nights to the show that is called “life”. We decide what is in store for us in the future. We are all different and unique and we will each be the only person to live out our own lives. Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goals but we never have to give up. Clear vision and hard work combined with faith are the keys to becoming successful. We must never cease to work hard and be known as the best at what we do. Whenever we encounter adversities in life, we must always remain ever hopeful and let the Lord love us in life’s beautiful and painful aspects. Above all, let us always remember that God has His own ways of making things happen!

(Video from youtube.com; posted by jandafrique 09.14.09)

[Note: This article was written by one of the finalists for the Iglesia Science and Technology Award for 2009 at Notre Dame of Manila]